I am still accused of being a 'striker', yet I am being summoned daily for a conversation.
Just call me if you want to talk to me. I'm not a hard person to get a hold of, I'm not hiding behind skype.
I find it important that the following facts be documented, as the other journal won't exist on the day I look back on this entry:
The ring wasn't really lost, only its importance.
The 'miscarriage' was really an abortion.
Well, I guess that's it.
Kinda knew those.
The latter had been further urged by her mother- making one family member responsible for death, the other for slander.
For whatever reason, she doesn't understand why I care about the child, explaining that she didn't and doesn't care because it was my child, not her's.
Well, I guess the best explanation I could make for my "caring" is pretty simple- reverse our roles as pertains to your child that I was raising.
You never lied about wanting to be pregnant in April, because all I ever heard was what a burden the child would be. You wanted a daddy for the alive kid, but didn't even want to bear the developing one. I felt exactly the opposite.
The rest of her writing was a pathetic diatribe put on as a 'show' for the reader. I'm the horrific man from Black Snake Moan who makes her wince when anybody shows excitement. I oppressed her views, and denounced them as ignorance.
What I did, was I challenged them. I adored her desire to be different, but became turned off by it when I realized it was just her mother's views diluted by a generation. She spoke of her support in multiple movements of women, feminism- but really used it as an excuse for her laziness, not wanting to wear a bra or to put on deodorant. Simple questions I asked out of curiosity were met with ignorance covered up by frustration and anger.
- "What rights do you have left to fight for?"
- "%^!%&$!"
(Some Yeah Yeah Yeahs song in the background.)
I never wanted to be changed, I never attempted to change her. I wanted to better understand these 'political' movements and views that she didn't even understand.
She has an impressionable mind, one that I never attempted to mold. She's been taken advantage of by her own family, and it continues. There's a new "husband" (a term I've never used more loosely), her fourth in less than as many years, to play the "hero" in her life.
I don't write in here to appease a ringless spouse, mother, or grandmother. I do not write maliciously just to, how you say, "piss (somebody) off". My feelings are true, I don't fake happiness or those other pesky feelings.
I will not change my life over your threats. I have no reason to go into hiding or "keep my life personal"- I know who's reading this, and I'm glad they've become fans. Watch the videos on your way out.
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