"Respect the book."

"It's more a pamphlet than a book."

Hallelujah II.

Late Registration.

My first semester of classes are registered. Tomorrow is the DMV, and next week is another trip to the campus to re-confirm the financial aid process and set up direct deposit.

Semester 1 Plans: (barring financial aid timing issues):
ENG 101 *online
PSY 101 *friday
Intro to the Human Body *tues/thurs
Intro to the Human Body Lab *online

The main issues at hand now are scheduling my TEAS test for January 30th, scoring above 91 percent, and completing (preferably) 100 hours of community service by April 1st.

Even if I don't get into the program this year, I can still take the Certified Nursing Assistant program and the medical math class next semester. I am essentially in the program now, as I am knocking out most of the classes before submitting my application. Whether I get in for 2010 or 2011, I'll still be knocking away at it.

Outer space.

B.o.B aka Bobby Ray x Whynatte from Motion Family on Vimeo.

I could rap a verse but I'd rather sing.

Sonic The Hamilton is back.

REVOK x CHARLES HAMILTON x KEEGAN GIBBS

Close it.

I get a jolt of excitement doing math again. This probably won't last.

I'm doing the same thing after Hannah that I did after both Storm and Sha- I'm back into the educational system groove, filling notebooks with equations and making "plans".

I hope this time they stick. I feel like they will. After Sha I did obtain the GED (in the top 2 percent!), but I also legally had to.

After researching salaries and orientations and placement tests and TEAS'es, I feel like this is legitimate. It's something that I really want to do this time. I'm accepting the end of WHAR (atleast in some form, a form I hoped it would be), and laying down concrete plans.

I'm also suppressing feelings that I am annoyed at myself for feeling. Regardless of what the Hannah thing was or is, the ending won't ever really set right with me. Not that it ever does. Closure never really exists. But it just shows a real weakness that was in our relationship that I assumed wasn't there. Well, a weakness on her end that I assumed wasn't there. It could be because I farted in my sleep, or maybe the estrogen thing really was permanent. It was a communicational breakdown on her end, followed by a basic realization that Kevin Scampoli isn't everything she ever looked for in a guy.

I'm just tired of hearing unrequested reassurance from people how they're not "this person", then they just become "that person". You make your own decisions, you choose your own words. BE HONEST. I didn't ask that you say the words you said, you dove right the fuck in on your own.

I always felt guilty for looking at certain girls and wishing I looked at my girlfriend a similar way. But I never attempted to produce a creation for certain girls.

(http://wehitandrun.info/kimyaangel2.mp3)
And I know you wanna teach
And I know I didn't graduate
But I'll meet you half way
And drop out when you need to read
(http://wehitandrun.info/kimyaangel2.mp3)

That would've been good!!!!!! I still might finish it. Atleast now it wont be repetitive.

I've got a lot to do before April 1st. It's a limited entry program, but I can even the odds with community service and good TEAS scores. If I don't get accepted, I can get the generals out of the way, and those will earn me even more points for the following year. Once I finish this, I'll be able to move to any neighborhood I want to in the USA.

"You're lying!"

Last night I heard for a while about how great a couple Hannah and I are (and how our Youtube video is adorable, etc.) before breaking the news to Crystal's friends that this would have been a fantastic conversation a day earlier.

Their response was "Oh! It's just a fight! You're perfect!"

Which got me thinking...

Where was the fight? Isn't that supposed to happen first?

This is not the soda you're looking for.

This is not the soda you're looking for.

So I'm half invested into a relationship for four and a half months, and the girl is obsessed with me. I finally jump in, and apparently knocked her out of it.

We "officially" broke up- something, that if it had happened any time before a few weeks ago, would've been mutual. I didn't cry or anything, but I had a dream I was crying like a baby. Is that a subconscious cry type of thing?

The timing really is shit, and the lack of honesty is frustrating. Though why do I crave things like pinpointing details and reasons? The little that was even said is annoying enough, let alone exact events and moments (that I pretty much already know- I was there wasn't I?).

This at least confirms that the nagging little voice in my head is usually right. I typically blame it and myself for the end of relationships, but not this one.

Ultimately, physical life stays the same, I just lack the validation and affection that every asshole desires!

"The more the more the more you cool down..."

Parade.

Change is a scary thing.

I've summoned my inner Rory Gilmore and started a pro's and con's list about some ideas for 2010. At this point, it seems to be a battle between materialistic things and possible experiences.

Some of these studio apartments look suffocating.

I think about a life of walking and public transportation and wonder if I've even capable of it.

The things I have planned seem to be for a completely different person. Which reflects how discontent I am with my living situation, which brings us right back to how scary change can be.

Music is the only love.

Hearing "The Pink Lavalamp" yesterday was one of the greatest feelings.

Homecoming.

I took my second trip to Chicago this last weekend, and I miss it.

This last trip, despite being a bit rockier, really solidified how I feel about Hannah. On the ride back to the airport, I honestly felt a bit choked up (ofcourse I hid it, being a man and all). We had what I would of considered a bad day and a half or so before that, yet through that the thought of leaving was still very painful.

I think we're hitting a point where we're each uncovering the person we thought we knew back in May. There are many flaws I've showed, and I wonder how things will end up. We've never sat down to really discuss any sort of "outcome", we just know that there are trips booked.

Part of me also feels a bit "behind". I feel like I'm beginning to have feelings that she had already showed on the last trip. I don't mean that in any sort of negative way- the word "love" predates the time I'm talking about. But driving to the airport this past time was as difficult as I imagine driving to the airport in September had been for her.

At this point, I feel extremely "blessed" (in an Atheist/no thesaurus type of way) for the events of the last few months. I also feel some regrets, but I feel fortunate to have these regrets before its too late to correct them!