I can saw a woman in two,

Music: "Life'll Kill Ya" - Warren Zevon (Album) / Ron & Fez
Drink: Arbor Mist




Thankfully the weekend is here. The last couple nights of work have been terrible, with my mind stuck on subjects that shouldn't be elaborated upon on the internet. Don't take it personally, it's not as if I am keeping secrets from you, these are just overly depressing topics that are not ready for blogging copyright. This isn't "I can't grow a beard, bleh" or "I wish I could speak a foreign language, bleh"... this is more along the lines of "The bomb really went off in Heroes, bleh".

But the time will come when I will be able to write in depth about it- whether it be because my drunk science fiction twin stumbles upon a keyboard, or because I finally discovered another person's stance and involvement in the situation.

In somewhat related news, I made an appearance on the Jim & Them radio podcast. It was recorded last Monday, and will be available online within' the next week. I came on to discuss my time spent in the slammer. We did a great job of making the entire experience hilarious, while maintaining the true horror of the three days. I'll post a link once the show is made available.

January 16, 2004.
I was thinking about the night Ricky, the closest friend I'll ever have, and I decided to take a train to North Attleboro in hopes of women. This story takes place in the outskirts of Boston, MA. For those who aren't familiar with the area- Rockland (my then home) and North Attleboro are fifty miles from one another.

We went to the house of a friend of his- an asian girl named Melissa, where she was with her friend Brandy. I remember watching Day Of The Dead and pretending that a 'movie fest' was the reason we were all there. It all took place in her basement, and it was the first time I ever saw an organ in person. Before that I thought the organ was a flute/recorder/ocarena type instrument (based solely on its name). "Where do you blow?" was a question met with confused laughs.

We got there on a freezing, snowy night... but we were all teenagers (Brandy being much younger than I thought) so of course we had to sneak by the asian mother. On more than one occasion Ricky and I were hidden in a closet, shivering and giggling like young, cold criminals.

The sleeping arrangements were: Ricky & Melissa on the couch, Brandy & I on the nearby bed. I was very interested in Brandy, and apparently she thought I was less annoying than most people as well. I did not know at the time just how inexperienced she was- I just knew she had recently broken up with a boy. I remember the odd side positioning that we attempted in order to stay discreet, and the nerves of steel we both had. Her for being physical for the first time with a basic stranger in her militaristic asian friend's mother's basement along her friend on the couch feet away. Me just because the last thing.

Ricky and I were kicked out into the freezing morning at around 5:00am. It took two cab rides and multiple trains to save our lives that night. I remember writing my phone number for Brandy on an Altoids case- though we didn't talk or see eachother again for many months. We still talk these days, and type over visiting each other, though the lack of money keeps it unlikely. We've hung out only once in the years since then, a Gilmore Girls night spent with some of her friends. One of her female friends actually assaulted me that night. I wasn't an easy boy to meet back then.

Ricky and I shared four years of lifelong memories as best friends. I definitely hope to fly back to MA and visit him as soon as I can afford it. He is well missed.

This is basically a small update of an entry. I'm still a man of good health, bad wealth, and a depressing, dull forty-eight hours. Hopefully tonight's combination of Knocked Up and Appletinis will provide a more positive night.

To keep some theme to this post- Let It Be has been in constant rotation lately.

With that, I leave you with a song from the album recorded live on rooftop, followed by a favorite quote about me.

I chose this song, because as a woman was crying her eyes out to me a couple of a months ago, she belted out the title and chorus a couple of times. She then proceeded to let me down.

ssix --- siq (8:37:08 AM): You were like
ssix --- siq (8:37:28 AM): Because the wine wouldn't open or whatever you go "Well we have to get use to eachother on a sober level then." and you grabbed my hand

I hear the bells...

Music: "Let It Be... Naked" - The Beatles

Scrubs has been a very important part of my last three or four years. There have been many weeks' weekends spent watching full seasons in consecutive hours- exposing new viewers and sometimes just to satisfy a personal need or create an escape.

This season continued Scrubs' trend in running directly parallel with life's misfortunes. John Dorian's pregnancy related issues, along with Elliott's marriage and the effects these character's issues have on one another has been all too easy to relate to. The difference? These characters are doctors, these characters are thirty years old. My position contains a few more problems as pertains to having children and getting married.

That's what really gets me. How serious was I?

It is a bit frightening to think about how close I came.

Now, make no mistake about it- marriage is never the correct decision. That is a belief I will forever stand behind, now with complete confidence. Feminists should really take a look at the marriage laws before they go complaining and not wearing bras over their rights. Hell, they might want to read over the entire justice system. It's a woman's court-room. You want the workplace? Well, for one, you already got it. But in return lets give the other gender equal rights, legally. The prenuptial agreement exists for a reason- and it's all we have, and remains the only thing that might get me to walk the aisle.

Have I ever loved? The above paragraph would lead anyone to believe I have never experienced the feeling. I don't believe I have. I've been engaged.

The entire concept of 'not enough time passing' works both ways, as feelings continue to exist on each extreme side of the emotional spectrum. However, even living through it, even saying the words... the doubt was there. Depending on who you talk to that could be completely natural, especially given the age. Given the age the words might mean that much more, as they are said against the powerful current that is everyone else's opinion (which may even be the reason behind the doubt). It can be interpreted any number of ways.

I do know that it would have been a mistake. This is not to say I have any regrets.

It also depends on what time you ask me, or what journal you read. I've felt enough pain to say I've loved, but I'm not sure I've experienced enough love to say it. I also have an oddly scientific belief that love cannot exist without reciprocation- as an electric current cannot exist without two sources. You really need to be given love (notice I didn't say 'accept') to feel, return it (the 'accepting' is part of the giving).

I really am full of excitement as pertains to this subject, it's not all "fuck marriage, blahhblah". I anticipate the future because of this subject. I cannot wait to meet new people, to ruin some lives and have my life left in shambles once again. This is why we're alive. Everyone should spend time in jail, and everyone should cheat on a significant other with that lucky person's best friend or sibling.

Just live your life, pick one out of the bunch, and die drinking a glass of chai tea they made for you.

Oh, and laugh a little bit.