June, 2007

I am beginning to study for the GED, which means I had to dig out the old journal (which has essentially turned into a math book). I was reading through an old page that isnt dated, but is from around early to mid June of last year. I figured I'd transcribe, underlines + crossouts and all.

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"The P(scribbled).

Talking to S--a brought me right back to April.
I'm not okay if she is around or calling. I'm not over it.
The only way she could possibly see me "being okay" is through the blog.
Pictures dont lie, the bday was great.

She's married, I'm still in legal shit - it is what it is.
I can't help her get over it - it's not fair that I be used for
that when I am still fucked up for it.
I'm lucky the judge even let me out.
I finally forcefed myself lastnight- the first time since hearing
the news.
I don't even know if I know the good wishes I send, I am
annoyed by them.

I will be over it if she makes these charges not happen.
If they tell her they can get me to pay her bills
so she goes through w/ it
or if I become a felon
it'll be unforgiveable.

How is this forgiveable?"

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"I just caught myself day-dreaming
an awful fantasy
Is that what I want?"

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"I was all in"
"I have the disaposable cam from the picnic night."

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"Call the jail."

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"ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
i form bonds
& build trust
with lifeless objects
over a bowl of flavored chex

'cool your spoon!'
i shout at chocolate town"

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"I AM THE SUM OF YOURSELF & YOUR DREAM

I AM SOLID

HE IS A WATERCOLOR
HE WASHES OFF"

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"uncomfortable
apart"

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