It's really hard to find any sort of happiness right now, whether it be immediate or in the visible future. I just keep thinking that everything will be fine after I suffer the next twelve, eighteen, or however many months... then I remind myself of every awful, yet easy scenario that could land me in jail. It's just an uncanny thought.
Then there is the resurfacing of feelings I thought I had successfully buried and left for dead.
Somehow in this situation, even the simple request of "keeping full time employment" applies so much pressure. I work at a place where hard workers are suddenly fired, a company that is known as a villain in World Trade. I've experienced a lot of success there, but it seems as though I'll be in better shape if I just blend in.
So right now it's The Flight Of The Conchords replacing Scrubs, and I'm in nearly the same position, emotionally, I was in May or June. Only now I have a financially-destructive and physically draining/sleepless uphill battle ahead of me- on top of the typical shit.
I couldn't even get myself excited to do the show last night. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to anybody, and talking on the show is supposed to be what I want to do more than anything.
I remember writing some pathetic journal entry called 'Pain' a few months ago in the black book. Though I won't publish anything that embarrassing, I'll at least say that this is a familiar feeling.
Then there is the resurfacing of feelings I thought I had successfully buried and left for dead.
Somehow in this situation, even the simple request of "keeping full time employment" applies so much pressure. I work at a place where hard workers are suddenly fired, a company that is known as a villain in World Trade. I've experienced a lot of success there, but it seems as though I'll be in better shape if I just blend in.
So right now it's The Flight Of The Conchords replacing Scrubs, and I'm in nearly the same position, emotionally, I was in May or June. Only now I have a financially-destructive and physically draining/sleepless uphill battle ahead of me- on top of the typical shit.
I couldn't even get myself excited to do the show last night. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to anybody, and talking on the show is supposed to be what I want to do more than anything.
I remember writing some pathetic journal entry called 'Pain' a few months ago in the black book. Though I won't publish anything that embarrassing, I'll at least say that this is a familiar feeling.
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